Thursday, November 22, 2007


V'hinei, this is the obligation of the person that he should think about his Tachlis, for why Hashem created him. (You realize that I'm translating, hence the perfect English :))
And when the person sees that his whole life is epes nisht azoi, his behaviour is not the way it is supposed to be. Whether it is intellectually, or midos wise or his conduct is opposite of how it is supposed to be. That he is occupied with his Gashmiusdika and corporeal needs. And re spiritual matters he thinks very little of. Such behaviour brings the person to become 'fargrebt'. So if the person thinks about it with a clear mind, it will bring about a deep desire in him to do Teshuva and to (meshana zayn) change his ways, to conduct himself B'darkei Hatora V'hamitzva B'yiras Shomayim.
And this is then the meaning of,
"Soif Dovor, Hakol Nishma, Es Ho-elokim Yorai, (?) V'es Mitzvoisov Shmor, Ki Ze Kol Ho-odom."
This (our Torah and Mitzvos) is the ikur reason for Hahsem's uniting the Neshomo Ruchnius and the Guf Gashmi . Which is a unification of total opposites.

Oy , this is pretty hard for me. Hope you are following, because I can't think of making it into proper language....k shhhh, no talking in the middle.
Okay, so ya, total opposites...

It is a union of the very highest and the very lowest. Ochor V'kodom. ( not sure how to pronounce). Like it's written,"Ochor Vakodom Tzartoni", - "Of the last (lowest of levels) and the first (highest of levels) You have formed me."

Ochor is the lowest of the lowest levels, which is the guf of the person, for it is even lower than the guf of animals. In regards to the bodies of animals the chazal say that, "they were created in a whole and complete state." Whereas regarding the man's body it says, "Your eyes saw a shapeless mass."
And Kedem refers to the highest of highest, the Neshomo.
Hashem created the person from the highest level in ruchnius and the lowest level of chumrius(corporeal), which chumrious is more 'greber' (material) than gashmius.
Therefore we see that if ch'vs a person is so 'grob' he may behave more worse than a chaya ro'o. I already said,no commenting on the english.
And on the other hand the person has in him neshomo 'talents' which enables him to reach to the highest ruchnius'dika levels.
And how do we get to these lofty levels?? BY LEARNING TORAH AND DOING MITZVOS WITH YIRAS SHOMAYIM.
This is what it means,
Sof Dovor Hakol Nishma, that the person is a baal sechel, understands and hears how the existence of all creations declares/proclaims - Es Ho-elokim Yorai, fear Hashem and keep His mitzvos.

The end.

oh so the kitzur.

Hashem created man as a composition of ultimate chumrius and ultimate ruchnius.
Therefore man has chumri desires and can also attain the hightest levels of ruchnius thru shmiras Hatorah and Mitzvos with Yiras Shomayim.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


....Malchus is Speech.

The inyan of Dibur is only for another person, this is the difference of thought and speech. Machshovo is for one self and Dibur is for another. (Since kingship is not for oneself but for ruling over another, hence Malchus - Dibur). Speech compared to thought is an illumination, But this illumination comes from a very high source.
The inyan in this is, that in every G-dly understanding, it's to bring him to Avodas Hashem. Which is also true regarding the general concept that all the creations is only a glimmer of G-dliness.
The worlds and creations were created with one word, like we say, "Boruch She-omar V'hoyo Ho-oilom.
And like the Mishna says, B'asoro Ma-amoros Nivra Ha-oilom, V'haloi B'maamar Echod Yochol L'hiborois, which is actually so, Hashem did create with one Maamar , the Maamor of B'reishis and the other nine are only an extension of that first one.
Testing Testing one two three. Just making sure that you are still reading this.
One should also be misbonen, ponder, how you are so not worth much and how trivial you are in relation to the whole universe, and high worlds etc...Yet,yet the person, you, is the ultimate reason for the creation of all the worlds! And from the day and hour that you were created, the malochim and Sfiros wait for your Torah learning !! Woah, huh?
So when the person considers the fact that he is the tachlis of everything that hashem created, it is all for him, like the mishna says Kol Echod V'echod Chayov Lomar Bishvili Nivra Ha-olam, then he will apply himself diligently to learning Torah and fulfilling the mitzvos.

Okay so, B'isvili Nivra Ha-olam, Olam - Helem, concealment.
Our bodies hide our Neshomo. We see the guf but not the Neshomo.
So this is the meaning of the Mishna.
The person says for me was created the (world) 'concealment' that through my learning Torah and doing Mitzvos the concealment will be removed and the Ohr of Hashem will be revealed!

Sifiras Hamlchus is dibbur, which is for someone else.
B' 10 Maamoros Nivra Ha-olam.
A person is the reason for creation, and the Chayos of all the worlds is dependent on his Torah and Mitzvos.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Today was Sheina's Birthday (Article)

Today was Sheina's birthday.

This morning before she went off to school, I said to her:

"Sheina, today is your birthday, you are thirteen years old."

She showed me thirteen in ASL (American Sign Language).

"Look, we got you a chocolate birthday cake, with flowers and cream, just the kind you so enjoy.

She displayed excitement.

"You will take it to school and give a piece to Chris” (her autistic friend). She smiled.

“And a piece to Mr. Parker, (the teacher) to Jovanni, (her aid) to Maria (her shadow) and everyone else in the class.”

She nodded.

She was happy.

That was the point.

And off she went to her special school.

I sat down, said some extra Prayers for her and

I wondered if she even comprehended what a birthday is,

Besides that you get to enjoy some gooey cake.

Then I went to my room, closed the door and cried.

I cried -

for Sheina is different.

Once a year, when I take the day to think and reflect on the past, I cry.

I deserve this luxury, don't I?

I cry because at age thirteen Sheina still needs to be dressed, is still using diapers. I am still feeding her and

washing her,

And it is really truly hard!

My eyes still wet, I remembered the conversation I had with my new friend, Sara, who asked me to tell her about the challenges of living with a special needs child.

Without thinking I said to her,

"Why would you ask me to tell you about the challenges of living with a special needs child. Go ask someone who has challenges...."

(I was thinking of the story, of a man who asked the Baal Shem Tov how it is possible to fulfill the requirement to bless G-d for the bad things no less than for the good ones, and to accept them with joy to boot.

The Baal Shem Tov told him to go and pose the very same question to his student, Reb Zushe of Anipoli and he would receive an answer.

Upon finding Reb Zushe the man observed more suffering and hardship than he had ever seen. Reb Zusha was a frightful pauper, with never enough to eat in his home.

His family was beset with all sorts of afflictions and illnesses, yet he remained good-humored and cheerful.

When the man explained the purpose of his visit and awaited the answer, Reb Zushe, with a puzzled look replied "I think there must be a mistake.How would I know? The Rebbe should have sent you to someone who has experienced suffering.")

Oh, now don't get me wrong. I most definitely have challenges, struggles, but not necessarily more from my special child.

I always say, there are "G-d given problems" and, although everything is from G-d, there are "Man-made problems" struggles, confrontations and issues that we create.

Giving birth to a "challenged" child is a "G-d given problem" those problems we just take. We just accept without calculations. What else can we do?

Sheina was just given to us. She is different, not the typical child we are used to. But her soul is perfect; nothing can mar it. We have nothing to add.

When we give birth to a “normal” child, G-d says, "Here, take this thing and mold him/her into a mentch! Do the best you can with this lump, shape him, guide him etc."

And we try so hard, we never know if we are doing the right thing, we never know how our efforts or decisions will affect this child. What worked for one will not necessarily work for the other. We worry and worry (as if that helps).

We pray and we pray. And then we pray some more.

We wish for the perfect results. Then if, heaven protect us, the child doesn't "turn out" as we planned it, doesn't follow our roadmap, goes off the beaten path... then, oh woah, we are devastated! We are ashamed, we feel like we failed.

Now, that is a challenge.

Sheina, on the other hand, came to me molded already. It was nurturing she needed. G-d said, "Here is this thing, take her home and take extra good care of her, for she is special."

So, yes, though she is now thirteen I still need to wash her, feed her, diaper her,

but I don't have any of the worries (or shtick) from her that I’ve had from my other teenagers. I’m not concerned that she will mix with bad friends or stay out late. I don't have the worry that she will go off the beaten path.

Sheina is non-verbal,her limited communication delivered

via sign-language.

There will be no chutzpa coming out of her mouth, no defiance, no talking back. Her soul is pure.

When we are out in the public, yes she will do embarrassing things, make weird noises and attract attention. Yet the shame I have is nothing compared to the shame and deep pain I experience when my other "challenges" (a.k.a. children) choose to disregard or confront me.

That is something to cry about.

So I wiped my tears,

Came out of my room, and continued to live.

For these are the regular ups and downs of our lives.

It is all part of Tzaar Gidul Bonim,

The pain and anguish that comes with raising children.

As I thought about it I wondered,

Perhaps these are MY GROWING pains...

So if you ask me, what are my challenges living with a special needs child?

I will ask you what are your challenges living your “normal” life? Are they really any less?

We attempted to give Sheina an especially joyous day.

She partied with lots of her favorite foods.

We Sang Happy Birthday to her,

Put extra coins in the Charity box,

Said some Torah Passages.

Her volunteer came and brought her new nail polish, a rainbow of colors.

She got a balloon and two new sets of memory games.

Sheina was happy. And so was I.

Thank G-d.

Doughnut Tidbits

Doughnuts are thought to have originated in 16th century Holland.They were cooked in oil, and were so greasy that the Dutch called them "oily cakes".
The Pilgrims brought them when they came to America.Their version: a round doughty ball about the size of a nut, hence the name doughnut.

Today, in the U.S alone, over 10 billlion doughnuts are made every year.

The largest doughnut ever was an American style jelly doughnut, made in Utica, NY in 1993. It weighed 1.7 tons and measured 16 feet in diameter.

John Haight holds the Guinness World Record for doughnut eating set back in 1981 an astounding 29 doughnuts in just over six minutes!


Sunday, November 18, 2007


It is known that the creation of the world and all it's creations are thru the Sefira of Malchus. Thru S. of Malchus Hashem gives chayos to the world and all the creations, like it is written,Malchuscho Malchus kol oilomim . The reason is because, Hashem kavayochel, Olo Birtzoinoi the inyan of Melucha. So from this Meluchscho comes Malchus kol Oilomim, all the worlds created.
So we understand from this that the entire inyan of all creations, worlds only a ray , which is the inyan of Melucha, which is an extension - extension shows that it is a ray.

As we see b'gashmius, a king in his country, whether it is in big cities where big people run the place or small cities where not such big people run it also in towns and villages, so every law that pertains to the country and its inhabitants is done according to the leadership of the king. Everything, everywhere in the entire country is done in the name of the king, so when the leaders say something in the name of the king everyone stands with kovad as if the king himself was here. It's not that the king is everywhere, it is only the NAME of the king, the name of the king is spread all over, extended all over the country.
The same thing here, we will understand in Sefiras Hamalchus, that it is only an extension , we say, Melech Shmoy nikro Alayhem, the citizens of a country are not the king's children, it is only that his name is on them.The same in Sefiros Hamalchus, that it is only a ray, therefore Sefiros Hamalchus is called Dibbur Ho-elyoin.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

No words.

Their eyes met.
Their hearts - connected

I noticed that, did anyone else?
I wonder.

And he drove off.


Depression, (not the clinical kind), is the soul calling. The soul crying out.
When the soul is hungry, you get depressed.
Depression is the soul saying,"I am not satisfied".
You are not fulfilling your soul's calling. Therefore you are feeling down.
Animals do not get depressed, for they are always doing what they are supposed to be doing.
Human beings do get depressed because if you are not doing what you are supposed to be doing- your soul will cry to you.
More sensitive people are more aware of this calling.
Depression is a wake-up call from the soul saying, "I'm not happy, do something".


Monday, November 12, 2007


Sof Dovor Hakol Nishma es Hoelokim Yoray v'es Mitszvoisov Shmor ki ze kol Ho-odom.
Meaning, this what we understand from everything is that we need to fear Hashem and keep his Mitzvos because this is the only point of the person, the only reason man was created.
As it is written,
Onoichi osisi eretz,V'odom Oleho Borosi.
Hashem, kavayochol, says, that the reason He created the earth, meaning brias ho-olom, is for odom, and odom means yidden. Like it is written, Vo-etno tzoini tzoin mareesi, odom atem. The Gemoro says Atem kruyim Odom. And so for the Yidden the world was created.
Breishis Borah Elokim Es Hashomayim....
Beis (2) Raishis, the Torah and the Yidden both are called Raishis, and so the World was created for the two of them, that the Yidden should learn the Torah and do It's Mitzvos and through that there is Kiyum Ho-olom.

Like it says in the Gemoro, that if the Yidden will keep the Torah, then good, if not then He will return it to Toihu Va'voihu.
The Medrash says, In what zchus is the world existing? In the Zchus of the Mitzvos, (eidus, V'hachukim, v'hamishpotim).
And this is what the Posuk means,
V'odom Oleho Borosi. the reason Hashem created the Odom, which the meaning of Odom is not only the Guf, but also the Neshomo, which she is chelek eloka m'maal.
The Guf without the Neshomo is called Bosor Vodom.
The Neshomo alone is called Nishmas Odom.
A Neshomo IN a Guf is called ODOM.
V'odom Oleho Borosi.

Borosi is b'gematria taryag.
B'riyas Ho-odom is in order that he be m'kayim the taryag mitzvos with yiras shomayim.
And it's written, V'hoelokim oso she'yiru milfonov, the inyan of Yiro comes from the name of Elokim dafka, therefore it says Es Ho'elokim Yiray.

Tachlis of Man - Torah and Mitzvos, for that was the condition of Hashem.
Odom = Neshomo B'guf.
Yiro from Shem Elokim.

Sunday, November 11, 2007


It is all in the color and design -
of the tissue box, that is.
If it's green, then ya...
Same goes for the new sheets, they are green,
so, ya...
And not the same thing, but if you wear stuff that are a bit
small on you, then you may, or may not, look smaller, but then if
you wear them a bit bigger then you may, or may not, feel smaller.
But if it has green, then ya....

So whatever....

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Free to be.

Flying high.

Feeling light.

Fun - oh woah!

Inner peace.

Clear mind.

Happy heart.




'Black Peurto-Rican Jew.'
Kach haya katoov al ha-otto shelo.

I align my car next to his to ask him,
I quickly change my mind and speed away....

He looked scary.
Big ugly black face.
Cigar dangling from mouth.
Jewelry galore.
And a caskette, well, a leather one.

Okay, so the Black, I picked up.
And the Jew, I guess, the almost caskette -
What was the Peurto-Rican part?

Hey, do I need to remind you that Isaidstam?